Dun... Dun... Dun..

So its begun.

I cant seem to shake the jitters when I have to talk... and geez do I have to talk.

Its strange having to run something.

As I drove this morning it like sank in a little more.

Im in an OMG......... OMG.......... OMG......... mode.

Yes like a teenie bopper blonde freaking out!

haha anyways....

So the countdown begins....

WEEK #1

5 more to go....... ouch!

Currently Listening Me and My Gang By Rascal Flatts Bless the Broken Road see related

Ahhhh...

Im in the best relationship I have even been in my life. Quite a statement... but a statement at that it hasnt left my mind in quite some time. I mean dont get me wrong we have issues just like any other couple but it all works out in the end and I look at him and realize why I love'm. I haven't made the best choices in my life w/regards to past relationships... but God slapped me last year (well not literally) and placed someone infront me that never in my head did I think I could care about in the way that I do. But I guess it wasnt my head God was messing with... it was my heart. He fixed my eyes to see the beauty in this one person, to see his love for our Lord as well, to see the faith that lives w/in and helped me realize that I need someone like that to form part of my life. He did help open my mind to accept someone like him, to understand him and his culture and to learn from him even when I may disagree. 2 years ago I met someone who I never thought to look at twice. 9 months ago I looked again... and now Im never looking back.

and that is probably as gushy and mushy as you will ever hear me get...

Currently Listening Me and My Gang By Rascal Flatts Stand see related

Its Pretty OK

I have been holding onto a grudge for some months now... and it kept lingering on my mind for quite some time. Even though this person has their faults and even though they were in the wrong... I kept thinking about it and after biblestudy last week it was quite clear what I had to do. Sometimes we think whats the point on apologizing over something that you believe you are in the right about? What difference does it make if that person forms a part of my life or not? But really its harder and thus takes a lot more effort to be mad at someone than to truly look into yourself and realize that the person in the wrong is yourself... or myself for that matter. I have realized that I keep saying I push the negative people out of my life but overall in this situation I was the one also being negative.

What right do I have to be upset w/her? Hold a grudge... while the whole time I miss the friendship that was there... as chaotic as it sometimes was. She realized she was in the wrong and apologized... and sometimes thats all we need.

So... seriously... If God doesnt hold a grudge... what right do I have to do so?

On another note...

I went to the dentist today and had a hard time going for 2 reasons:

1. I hate dentist with a passion.
2. I thought I had to pay a huge payment that I thought my insurance wasnt going cover. 

#1 I cant do anything about cause I still had to go.

#2 God must have been watching me while I calculated my money and realized that paying for this visit to the dentist would mean me watching every penny I spent until next pay period. Then the Dentist came in and said those oh so magic words.... "Your insurance covers all of it... now which do you want white or metal?" hahah

Interesting night I tell ya...

I dont remember the last time I was in a fight. wait... thats because I never have been in one.

I dont ever pick one and when there is one picked on me... I have a good head to just walk away.

My friends are like family to me. My girlfriends are my sisters. I will forever be there for them. Through the good and the bad.

The bad presented itself today.

I will admit I reacted out of anger and I almost did something I know I would so regret tomorrow. But I didnt do it.

For a split second I lost my temper. For a split second I forgot that even that "horrible" person is still a child of His. For a split second I let myself make the wrong decisions. For a split second I tried to take control of the very ugly situation. For a split second I let the anger take over.

Im just glad I was able to just walk away. I guess I finally realized that hey all my friends are safe and on their way home. Realized that I needed to just get into a car and drop it. Drop the idea that beating her down would resolve the anger I was feeling inside because someone messed w/my friends... my sisters. Realized Im a much better person to just walk away.

Im home safe now and so are all my girls... and even guys. I thank God for that. Thank him that it didnt get worse. That it didnt go to the extreme that it could have gone.

Wow Im exhausted...

Currently Listening Under My Skin By Avril Lavigne see related

Hmmm.. Deleted from everything but my memory... still working on that though... can that really be done tho? I dont think so... but one can try..  It was time... holding on to #'s/letters/emails/sn's at some point... becomes pointless. not like it was intentional to hold on to them.. just never got around to removing them... no last looks to memorize anything... just delete delete delete... kinda felt a sigh of relief... like I said it was time.. hell it was way past time

Im happy with my decisions and my actions and my choices... my life right now... .